How Oregairu Changed the Way I See Loneliness and Relationships

I used to believe that most of the people in my life were my friends. For the longest part of my life, I felt empty if when I was around people and I really didn’t understand it at all. For some reason every interaction felt forced and it seemed like no none talked to me intentionally, like a game where everyone knew the rules except me. Conversations felt empty, friendships seemed temporary, and the idea of belonging? That was something other people got to experience.

Then I watched My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU (Oregairu), and for the first time, I felt like everything finally made sense and I wasn’t alone in feeling this way.

Hachiman Hikigaya: A Reflection of My Own Isolation

From the very first episode, Hachiman Hikigaya’s outlook hit me harder than I expected. His monologues about youth being a lie, his hatred for shallow social interactions, his acceptance of solitude—all of it felt similar. He wasn’t your typical misunderstood anime protagonist waiting for the world to notice him. He had already made up his mind: he didn’t need the world, and the world didn’t need him.

I saw myself in him, and for a while, I felt validated believing that I might as well cut everyone off.

Hachiman wasn’t lonely just because he couldn’t make friends—he was lonely because he got rejected by the world so many times that being alone felt like a better choice and as a result he took a step back and started seeing everyone for what they are. He rejected meaningless social rituals, avoided unnecessary emotional investments, and took the path of least resistance: solitude. And honestly? That was me, in the end I convinced myself that being alone was better than dealing with the inevitable disappointments that came with relationships.

But the more I watched, the more I realized that Oregairu wasn’t just validating my thoughts, it was challenging everything I knew and believed.

Loneliness as a Defense Mechanism

Hachiman’s philosophy seemed logical at first. If people only interact with others out of obligation, why participate? If kindness is just disguised self-interest, why rely on anyone? If you assume the worst of people, you’ll never be disappointed.

My mind really fell down that rabbit hole too. I told myself I didn’t need close friendships because they would eventually fade. I avoided relying on others because it felt weak. I convinced myself that people would only hurt you if you got too close.

But as the series progressed, Oregairu started dismantling that illusion piece by piece.

Through his time in the Service Club, Hachiman encounters two people who force him to confront himself: Yukino Yukinoshita and Yui Yuigahama.

• Yukino is someone who shares his cynicism but expresses it differently. She doesn’t hide behind self-deprecation or play the martyr—she faces problems head-on. Yet, despite her intelligence and independence, she struggles to connect with others just as much as Hachiman does.

• Yui, on the other hand, is the complete opposite. She’s friendly, warm, and willing to see the best in people. At first, I dismissed her as naïve, just like Hachiman did. But over time, I realized she wasn’t blind to people’s flaws—she just chose to care anyway.

Watching these dynamics unfold made me reflect on my own choices and thoughts about relationships

The Turning Point: "I Want Something Genuine"

There’s a moment in Oregairu that hit me harder than I expected. Hachiman, after spending so much time deflecting and sacrificing himself to get tasks in the service club done, believing that only he can handle the rejection the world gives, he finally breaks down. And in one of the most emotional moments of the series, he says:

"I want something genuine."

That single line shook me. For so long, I thought I was fine being alone because no one wants me anyway. I told myself that I didn’t need deep friendships, that I was better off avoiding people altogether. But the truth was, I did want connection—I just didn’t know how to reach for it.

Hachiman’s growth wasn’t about rejecting his old beliefs completely. He didn’t suddenly start pretending to be someone he wasn’t. Instead, he learned that being distant doesn’t make you strong—it just makes you lonely. He learned that vulnerability isn’t a weakness, and that true relationships, while rare, are worth the effort.

And in watching him realize that, I started to realize it too.

Reevaluating My Own Relationships

After finishing Oregairu, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had spent years forcing myself into relationships that weren’t for me, then distancing myself when I felt isolated by the world as a way of protecting myself. I wasn’t protecting myself—I was just afraid of being hurt again.

So I started making small changes. I stopped accepting every invitation or forcing conversations I even cut off a bunch of people in my life. I let myself be me in hopes to find something truly genuine and for the first time ever I felt free.

I won’t lie when I say that there are still moments when I retreat into old habits. I still struggle with feeling like an outsider at times. But now, I don’t see loneliness as something I was meant to have in my life. I see it as something to overcome and deal with.

Final Thoughts: Is Hachiman Right?

So, was Hachiman right about loneliness?

Yes and no. He was right that not all relationships are genuine, and that sometimes, solitude is preferable to forced connections. But he was wrong to believe that genuine relationships don’t exist at all in fact both of us were wrong.

The truth is, connection takes effort. It takes risk. And most of all, it takes the willingness to be authentically you.

Watching Oregairu didn’t just change how I saw the anime—it changed how I saw myself. It made me realize that I had spent years isolated even in groups, mistaking it as the norm for my life. And for that, I’ll always be grateful.

Because now, for the first time in a long time, I feel like myself and I can have genuine laughs with those around me.

So what was your take on Oregairu?